I feel trapped

I feel like I can't go on. 

Everything feels so scary and just too much.

I've tried so hard to get better over the past 4 years, to feel lighter and freer, but people are scary and I feel trapped in this situation where people are all around me.

That's right - I feel trapped. I feel completely and utterly trapped. Dependent on people, but terrorised by them too. Like I have to face them, but I'm too scared.

What's the answer to this? How on earth do I get over this? Do I need to 'feel' the feelings? Do I need to ignore them? Or maybe I need to do a bit of in between. But how on earth do I do this inbetween?

The thing is that I've tried so much and nothing seems to have worked.

Feeling trapped makes me feel weak and like I can't go on.

It makes me want to curl up and cry.

It's a horrible horrible feeling...

If I'm honest it makes me want to die.

Dying would be better than feeling trapped by people.

But I'm scared of dying, so I'm trapped in life too.

What do I do with this trapped feeling? How do I resolve it? Accept it? Ignore it? Work through it? Challenge it? What's the answer?

I also feel ashamed of this trapped feeling. Like I'm different to others. Like I'm less worthy than they are.

The trapped feeling goes when I'm drinking and softens after a sedative.

What's the answer? I wish I
knew...

Sophie x



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