If I could be my own friend

I had my therapy session last night, which gave me more insights into what's going on with me. And likely with many of us. We need to learn to be our own friends, our own allies. We need to be there for ourselves, unconditionally. This way, there's nothing to be afraid of. 

I had this realisation during the session, as we were delving into one of my parts (we're using Janina Fisher's parts model, much like the Internal Family Systems model, created by Richard Schwartz) and what that part needed the most from me, what it needed from my 'self'. It needed to know that I'm there unconditionally, in a felt sense, not just through mental dialogue. So we spent some time being in this feeling.

I felt relatively light and free after the session. I also didn't drink alcohol, which was my first night of many, as I'm determined to give it up for a good while now. I had one of my recurring bad dreams though, although, on reflection, it wasn't as bad as normal, as I felt more empowered and relaxed in it. But, it did leave me waking up with another one of my neurosis (or intrusive thoughts; 'pure o'; whatever you want to call it).

I lay in bed, dreading the day ahead while recognising which 'part' of me was triggered. It was my 'submit' part, which feels worthless, powerless and wants to be saved by someone she cares about. It was really good to recognise this, after which I asked the part what she needed from me; the 'felt sense' of being supported unconditionally arose (the same feeling that I had cultivated in last night's therapy session) and immediately alleviated my neurosis. 

It didn't fix it entirely, but it certainly shifted something. I noticed that I didn't feel safe staying in the positive feeling for too long though; I wanted to jump up and 'do' something. But that's ok for now, as I understand that feeling free and independent from people and situations (something this embodied feeling inspires) is a new feeling for me that I need to get used to.

Anyway, that's today's update. I need to be my own friend. My upset parts are screaming for unconditional love and support from me. Today I believe this is how I'll heal. 

In case you're interested, here's an amazing video on parts, by the gurus Janina Fisher and Richard Schwartz themselves:

May we be our own friends, forever x