Finding some relaxation after an anxiety attack today



So I woke up at 5.30am this morning and took 1mg lorazepam to help me get back to sleep. I feel guilty about doing this, like a failure, but I needed it, after another afternoon of drinking wine with my sister yesterday. That's the fourth day/night of drinking wine for me in a row, which isn't good for my physical, nor my mental health. I need to stop. But it's hard.

Anyway, despite feeling afraid, I had a productive morning and I'm celebrating going into town and getting errands done. I also treated myself to a pedicure and gel nails (pic attached). I love hands-on treatments and this was super relaxing for me, wich provided some respite from the slightly fearful and slightly frozen feelings I had. I would recommend any kind of body treatment for those who are experiencing anxiety and who like hands-on treatments.

As the day progressed, my anxiety worsened. I received a text from a friend, asking how I was, which sent me spiralling out of control in my mind. Receiving contact from most people sends me spiralling, as I feel I have to contact them straight back and I feel trapped in this cycle. It may not sound much, but if you read my former blog, you'll learn more about my current issues with connection and people. Connection with people who I feel I can't escape from in future triggers me hugely. If I know I'm unlikely to see them again, I can cope, but if 'they're part of my life', I feel I cannot escape and need to run IMMEDIATELY. 

I get this trapped feeling with any kind of commitment, not just relationships, but relationships have created the biggest challenge for me, the most painful experience, as I've become very isolated. I swing between feeling trapped and fearful, and feeling desperately sad that I cannot maintain any kind of friendship currently. Notice I'm using the word 'currently'. Although I have deep-rooted fear that I'll be like this forever, I'm hoping to re-programme my brain to believe it's only temporary.

Anyway, I went spiralling this afternoon and came immediately home, wanting desperately to have a sedative or a glass of wine. Instead I looked up somatic exercises for anxiety. In case you don't know, somatics (mind-body connection) is growing hugely in the field of mental health. It's underpinned by the theory that when we feel anxiety, our senses leave our body and fly into the brain, fuelling rapid cyclical thoughts. Returning to the body in the right way re-embodies (aka re-grounds) us. 

I've dipped into this work before but never followed any programme consistently. I know that simple body movements with mindfulness can really help to ground me though, so perhaps they will help you too. The video I watched today worked a treat, so much so, that I managed to get an hour's sleep afterwards. 

Here it is Anxiety Relief with Somatics

Enjoy and may we find the peace and freedom we deserve x

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